She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
