even my farts smell like vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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