I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
