I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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