I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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