life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
