so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
