Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
