peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he wants to bone in the snuggie
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
