Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
