A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
