She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
