mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
