How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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