Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
