Nicole vs. Life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
