The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
