So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
