Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
