does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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