You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?