my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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