i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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