Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
too bad you live with your parents still
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
