Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
