If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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