On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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