I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
