"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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