I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
