Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
