Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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