it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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