dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
