its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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