he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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