You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
