Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
