we have pet lesbian snakes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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