I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
