He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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