The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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