Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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