He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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