If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
