If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
