Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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