I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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