but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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