I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize