I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
