You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
