its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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