so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize