Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
