1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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