Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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