I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
