I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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