I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I died a long time ago.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Never joke about your clitoris.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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