so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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