I wannas sexs uuuuu
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
