I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
