I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
