dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
