you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
